Why does designing feel so personal?

Cause it is.

As I am thinking about how to start this, a couple examples come to my mind where I happily agreed with the feedback given on a particular project, ended the meeting smiling and then immediately picked up the phone to send my boyfriend an agitated voice message that doesn't even have to be put on 1.5x speed about how the feedback makes no sense and I am clearly right.

Designers are always right. End of blog post.

But why was I so triggered by 'negative' feedback, or feedback I didn't agree with? I spent exactly zero seconds trying to understand where the other person was coming from before my reactive instinct kicked in. And I know deep down that sometimes clients or project managers do know best about the project's scope, constraints, and how design fits the bigger picture.

But that initial feeling got me thinking, why is design so personal to designers?

And I found a few reasons why it is, at least for me.

Design is such a big fat gray zone of taste, intuition, and cultural context compared to other fields. Sometimes there is no correct answer, especially if the context is missing. It is literally an externalized part of me, a part of my judgment, problem-solving, and how I see the world. So no, we can't change the font.

On a more serious note, that means I process feedback as a way to check or protect my self-image. And it probably wouldn’t be such a big deal if it weren’t for the emotional investment that creativity involves. I care about the users I design for, about their experience. I advocate for meaning, and I like to think I spend time finding middle ground between business goals and beauty. And I believe there is a culture in design that encourages this emotional investment as a way to build your style, your voice.

It does not help that most of the things we do are out there, public. The exposure can feel validating (and it feels really nice, doesn't it?), or it can invite criticism that suddenly makes every decision feel questionable.

I think what frustrates me the most is the reaction-based feedback, ambiguous or with no reference point. 'Let's try something else', 'This does not feel right', 'I don't like it'. If it sounds familiar to you, you probably know what comes next: asking a few follow-up questions, getting no clear answers, and then trying slightly different versions of the same thing.

Rant over.

So is design a blessing or a curse, then?

I think (now) that it is a beautiful something to be mad about. It is not a bad thing to care and fight for your expressions, but when you reach that friction point that causes you doubt, frustration, or disappointment, take a step back and distance yourself from your work. Your now does not define you, or whatever the kids say these days.

I try to turn that feedback into hypothetical questions that have no relation to my worth as a designer: 'Does it really feel off?' and it might push me to solve problems more creatively and inclusively. I know this is easier said than done, but in time you will be able to look back at successful projects that turned out a bit differently than you first imagined because of feedback, regardless of its type.

Often, feedback comes from people who lack design vocabulary and are trying to be honest, but they might not know how to articulate it. Which means, do not take it personally. It helps to explain intent, translate concepts, and anchor back to previous goals to create a safe space for exploration. For you, if not for anyone else.

Does it feel personal?
Good. It should.

That's also where the rewards come from. And if it comes with criticism or negative feedback, even better. Learning how to stay calm and communicate is a great skill that carries far beyond design.

I still navigate this myself. The trick might be repetition. So next time I feel the urge to send an angry voice note, I'll come back to this and read it again.