Here's to not knowing what you want to do - Part 1

I started my design career in a newsroom.

Actually, let's go further back.

I studied game design at university. I had no idea what that meant, I wasn't even playing games. I think the modules convinced me: visual storytelling, 3D animation, graphic design, and computer programming. It was a bit of everything - perfect for when you have no idea what you actually like. The key was that I wanted to be able to do something creative, but less artsy than fine arts.

I fell in love with 3D modeling. I designed the entire exterior of the National History Museum of London in 3ds Max. I was still not playing any games at that point (nor am I now), but the world creation process felt amazing. Making the users, gamers, and viewers happy felt amazing.

Finished uni, went back to my hometown just to figure out that finding an actual junior job in this field was tricky to say the least. So I went back to uni, doing a master's this time. In a completely different field: web design and content planning. I thought it would expand my skillset in a crazy work environment. I studied more in one year of master's than I did in my 3 years of bachelors: UI/UX, art for the web, social media, web design, and development. I was ready to start searching for a job again. Actually, I was pretty desperate.

And I finally did!
As a motion graphics designer.
In a newsroom.

What? *insert confused looks here*

Well, my animation experience doing 2D and 3D work convinced them. I think.

But as happy as I was, my impostor syndrome hit me like a truck.

Everything was fast. I had to deliver GEOlayers animations by 12 pm almost every day. I wanted everything to look nice (so their hiring me made sense), but there was simply no time to make things pretty, especially while I was still learning how to properly navigate After Effects (animation had only been one part of my studies, after all).

As supportive as everyone was, it took a while for me to come to grips with the idea that sometimes design just needs to exist, regardless of how it looks, especially considering different constraints you might have (time, budget, resources).

And each time my graphics looked a little bit better, until I became actually quite fast. And that translated to other projects later on when I switched from the newsroom to their creative agency. Quite a skill, especially since everything is urgent and ‘needed now’ in design. And I will forever be grateful for the opportunity and my supportive colleagues.

Having patience and (as cliché as it might sound) trusting the process actually does the trick. Which is frustrating and hard. Especially for people like me who want to be experts in the next thing by tomorrow and are a bit terrified of negative feedback (Oh, what if they let me go this time?).

But that is not realistic. For anyone. Maybe for people who are crazy talented, but that still requires time and work.

And adding the 'knowing a bit of everything' to it, it makes feeling like you know what you're doing even more difficult. And it might require more time for you to realise that you are actually the expert in your field. But it is so worth it in time and can lead to bigger, better roles.

Here's to not knowing what you want to do!

(PS: I did move on to other roles, but that is a story for a part 2)